By JUNIOR BONNERThe Paz Files
BROWNSVILLE, Texas - It don't get no better'n this. No, sir. Earthquake south of San Antone today, and that killin' of that Libyan dictator, Moammar Khadaffy. What's next? Jeez, it could be dang near anything, huh? News is crazy, is what I say. Strange things break and there we go, chasing after info like it really means serious crap, you know. Whatever. It keeps me entertained. Yeah, where's Freddy Fender when we need him. Sing it, son. Lay it on me, now.
Khadaffy Killed
It happened sometime early Thursday afternoon. Reports had it that the noisy Libyan strongman was captured in some pig dung-filled hellhole by a gang of rebels who'd been lookin' for him for weeks. They found him and he sort of stood up to fight, when someone fired and the next thing you know Khadaffy, like our economy, was gone. How do you say 'Adios, Mofo' in his language? One less villain on the world stage. What is the U.S. going to do when all the villains are gone? Guess we'll be the next world villains.
Herman Cain
What an idiot! This guy wants to build a 20-foot fence the length of the U.S. - Mexico border and electrify the damned thing. Leave it to the son of sons of sons of former slaves to get uppity, and thinks he's above the fray. Why, this Afro-American must think he be White, as they say in Rap music. Herman Cain is still in the running for the crazy Republican Party's 2012 presidential nomination, but, if you ask me, a True American, Cain is one sick puppy in need of a colon wash. He can wear those shiny, expensive suits and make Republicans laugh at the abandoned and the poor, but he's no one to lead me anywhere. Herman Cain? Shine my boots, boy!
Rick Perry
There was a time when Rick Perry rode the crest of that Republican wave for the presidency. Today, his campaign languishes like some beached, half-dead sea turtle. So long, Rick. They rode you hard and will now put you away wet. That's your party, son. Don't need yore ass anymore, lad. Say hell-o to I-35 on your way back home. You came in sixth in the latest Iowa poll. Sixth? And that's the first primary ahead of the nomination early next year! Sixth! What a bozo. Couldn't wear the suit and make it fit the national stage. That fajita face never did square with that hair. A grown man looking definitely Gay. Miss Anita, take him back to the ranch, willya? He ain't ready for no prime time. Dust in his rural brain, see. I coulda told you that a long time ago. Lotta people coulda. You lissen, now. It's as they say in herding, pull'em on home iffa they don't wanna come.
Valley Politics
They're coming out of the woodwork in Harlingen. Do'ers and Ne'r-do-wells asking to be voted onto this and that city council. Some of the best roaches have hit the streets in Harlingen, where aspirants to the District 1 seat now number - what? - six or seven? It's Castillo scampering down the sidelines to chase down crazy-legs Gail Moore, only to be piled-on by some unsung benchwarmer named Gonzalez. Throw the flag. These are just three more used cars off that dusty lot wanting to race. Somebody roust the young and send them long. Surely, young legs will overtake this tired trio. Castillo is the mysterious anti-Catholic, Moore is the carpetbagger, so what is J.J. Gonzalez - the dreamer? He's been a city commissioner before! And, from what we can tell, he did nothing anywhere near spectacular. Don't see no statue of this stiff in front of City Hall, do we? Boy, Howdy. Where have you gone, Larry James? Need a weather report on all this. Tell me the clouds'll roll on down the road.
McAllen Mayor
Richard F. Cortez knows about border fences. In today's NY Times, the usually-staid mayor is quoted as saying this about Herman Cain's wild-hair proposal calling for a fence all along the southern border, a metal barrier capable of electrocuting people: "It is a winding river. Where in the world are you going to put fencing? To propose that suggests ignorance of the border and the terrain." You got something there, Cortez. Cabeza De Vaca couldn't a-said it better.
Blogs
Lately, muh drinking buddy Dr. G.F. McHale-Scully ain't been writin' crap on his Bollywood blog, BrowntownNews.com, and the women at Taqueria La Buena in Brownsville have been askin' what the Hell's with that? Well, really, Keemo Sabe. I have no idea what the good doctor may be up to, or not up to. He's a purist, a man who tends to listen only to the accordioned songs on his Made-in-Mexico Ipod. So, that'll have to remain a mystery, not that there are not a thousand others in his vulgar hometown. Why, the last time I was there, I heard a heavyset drunk at the end of the bar where I was hangin' say that he ain't heard one word from his wife in six years. Six years! That, sodbusters, is the luckiest man in town, if you ask me. I get more grief from my horse, Leafy, on a gosh-darned daily basis...
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10 comments:
Hey Jr., you are aware that Herman Cain is a survivor of colon cancer aren't you? I can't say for sure but more than likely that means he is now eliminating waste in a pouch attachment so the suggestion that he get a colon wash could constitute a very "low" blow, wouldn't you say? Now I realize that a man of your high caliber who probably likes to refer to his boots as "shit stompers" might not see the subtle implications here but you should maybe cut the man some slack. And he might not appear to be the most sophisticated candidate but he successfully ran a large business and wouldn't need to resort to shining anyone else's boots.
My best to Cylantra or maybe that should be Saint Cylantra.
Saint Cylantra, what????? What is wrong with bloggers on this site. Junior Bonner writes worst than Tony Chapa.
Mr. Editor, why weren't we told of Junior's other talents, I saw him playing guitar at the Brownsville Fest. Damn, the man is skinney, and the tie was something from the trash bin. Junior's accent is horrible.
Damn, I thought I was a bad writer, Junior Bonner, moved me out of the way.
Jr. is right about Harlingen, nothing but has beens.
Daisy Gomez, is now under Chapa's radar.
She is writing interesting articles about J.J. and his shady past.
J.J. support your two children.
Mr. Non-Child support candidate, J.J. Gonzalez is promising jobs, how about it Chapa, maybe JJ can find you a job.
J.J. works for a real estate broker in Harlingen.
Rick Perry makes a lot of claims. But it always comes out that when the news media looks at his real record that he lies. Loser.
Tony Chapa does not want a job, you could not make him take a job. He is happy to have others support him.
Is Chapa still sending his wife off to work while me sits and bores the town with that Dead Blog? Wow!! What a Mexican. Typical, tho
Chapa doesn't know the meaning of the word, "work". He has never worked. He is a failure, he could take a job as a janitor.
J.J. was dropped like a firecracker, after the wife left him for a real man. A younger man, she was a lot younger than J.J. who is in his 60's.
Junior, everyone knows that McHale is single, he lives in a cheap motel in Brownsville.
Bonner, you are a journalist, whats with you guys?? You can't keep relationships, I mean with your looks and everything, you have to resort to illegal Hondurans.
Jerry McHale, needs to find some short ugly fat "short" woman from Nicaragua.
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