By JUNIOR BONNERThe Paz Files
HOUSTON, Texas - All youse know about the vandalism on my beloved El Camino, so this'll come as no surprise. I flew up here on Monday and picked up this beauty you see in the photo above. That's me driving it off the lot, after paying good, hard cash earned while writing about losers and boozers in the Rio Grande Valley.
Lovely, ain't it?
Boy, it don't no better'n that. Why, if I set my hat on my head just right, I can imagine Cylantra riding there alongside me as we cruise the traffic lights all the way to Brownsville for a round or two. She's a spitfire, that gal. I like to say she got her temper from some mountain rebel in her home country of El Salvador. You ever mess with Cylantra De La Torre and you'll know what chicken-scratching means. I tell you. She's got a jab any goddamned welterweight boxer would kill for, especially in the RGV, where Hispanics never did learn the art of boxing, but all are born experts at knifing and shooting. Well, plus bummin' for a free beer.
Getting a new car is always a hoot. Sorta like landing a new woman. The bloom wears on your face for days, at least until you run out of gas or until the woman puts out. Once a woman puts out, well, you know where I'm headed with that one, don't you, Chumps?
In any case, I'm writing this story on my laptop while we put away a Whataburger before heading back home to Combes. Cylantra can't drive (what is it about short people and not being able to drive!), so she'll likely just sit there and work the radio dial. Love to get her a-movin' in that backseat, if you get what I'm sayin'. It's huuuuuuuuuuge, dude!
This car and a set of wings would fly me 'round the world. Big engine, big as that of a farm tractor. Gas hog, man! I'll pro'bly get - what? - seven or eight miles to the gallon. But it's driving, not just getting into a brand new Camry and acting like that's doing something. I drive like I make love, shifting it like a Mofo. Cylantra says I make love like an unchained panther, that I seem to have that kind of strength.
Man, I don't know. I just go about it the way my old man taught me: You gotta floor the gas pedal and stay on her. You gotta stay alive and alert. You gotta go deep and you gotta leave'em smilin'. Do that and you'll have a better time at it.
See ya 'round town, lads...
- 30-
20 comments:
Mr. Editor, I hope you checked and see who wrote the previous articles, but it was not Bonner, by the way Junior, it is not get, for you, it is spelled "git", like a true hillbilly.
You know, you ought to move to Harlingen with your red-neck pals.
Well, Cylantra might not be welcome, the caucasians down here, don't like anyone who is not lilly white.
I think Cylantra has Junior by the you know whats. Por guy. She'l kill him before all this is over.
Bonner, the reason you write about losers and boozers is because you are one of them.
I hear a former city commissioner is looking for a partner to spend time at la placita, you could volunteer.
No wonder I had not seen Junior at Las Casuelas, I thought Cylantra was cooking for him at home, I forgot, cylantra thinks microwaves are television sets.
As screwed up as the youth are today, I would think the judiciary would be giving the judge a plaque. The daughter deserved punishment, she was disobidient. Side bar
Alyson
Junior, with that car everyone is going to know when you're at Las Cazuelas! What a tank that is, man. Wow!!!
Hey, did Bonner ever ask Kori Marra out for that date he mentioned in his other story? Maybe he should take Olivia Richardson out and show her the ropes. ha ha ha
Olivia L.Richardson has class, unlike Bonner, who patronizes cheap bars in Brownsville. Bonner and Korrie are at about the same level.
Olivia is good looking, unlike the former city Commish, who walks like a woman and speaks like a man.
Junior has what Olivia never has had - bad breath in the sack. Plus, Junior knows how to carry himself in a bar. His women know he'll protect them. Has Olivia ever known a man like Junior Bonner? NO!
Connie, Bummer Bonner, is a low life, who dates, mojadas, waitresses, and house cleaning weemin, he gits his jollies by impressing low lifes like him, driving around on junkie cars.
BMW's, 350 Nizzans is something Bonner and his low lifes will never know about.
Junior, let me send you a coupon, toothpaste is 99 cents at the dollar general. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why's everybody so down on Junior? The guy is a unique talent. he live sby his rules and dates women of all kinds. Man, you can't beat that with a stick. Look at Boner and then look at Jerry Deal. See what I mean?
Exactly, Junior, The Bum Bonenr, first puts South Texas women down, as if he was so attractive.
He reminds of me of Keith Richards. Junior stick to your low end type of women, at la placita you've be a hit. LOL
A waitress at las casuelas was saying, that Sylantra asked her how to bake a Turkey.
She didn't know what a "turky, cylantras words", was.
Bonner is a fraud, that ugly car he just purchased goes more with the pimp lyfestyle.
The Valley needs more Junior Bonner types of guys. He doesn't sem to care what people think of him. He just goes about his life. here, al the guys want to look and talk like gangstas. Bonner would kick their asses!
Lebrown James, Bonner speaks like a hick, listen to this: Git, nutting, skeered, aint so, chawing tabbuca, weemin, my weemin, Shilantra, bea instead of beer, he couldn't kick anyone's ass even if he tried.
He moved to brownsville, because some mean looking mexican from Harlingen want's to beat his dumb skinny ass up.
Anonymous, Junior still live sin his mobile home in Combes. where do you get your bad info? Us Junior fans know his story well, so don't be making stuff up, okay?
I am told by an editor of a Brownsville blog, Jr. Bonner plays an old beat up guitar he bought at a pawn shop for $5.00 Mexican pesos.
I am also told he plays on street corners, and that Chilantra has left him, because he confessed of being an adulterer, and now lives with a bi-polar homeless woman from Montana, Riverview Montana to be exact.
Junior Bonner is a fraud and a phony. A red "nick" hick. Period.
Sorry Junior, you have no luck with WEEMIN.
Anon, it's true, Bonner has been incognito from Las Casuelas. A Brownsville blog reported, Junior wasn't getting paid for assingments and can only afford Draft Beer. And tips $.50 cents because playing in festivals doesn't pay. Junior get a real job, you are more suited for washing dishes, journalist don't make money.
I saw apicture of that Jim BARTON the Brownsville blogger atacking Bonner and he looks like a hen-pecked loser. Barton's just looking for attention. Loser!
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