"What men call gallantry, and gods adultery,is much more common where the climate's
sultry.." - Byron, Don Juan
By AMARANTE CORDOVA
Special to The Paz Files
HARLINGEN, Texas - Saying he does not want to be lumped-in with the thousands of unimaginative, cheap-ass adulterers that populate the border region, writer Junior Bonner today acknowledged he has been having a sexual affair with a local married woman. "I am that man someone saw in the cafe this morning, yes sir, I am," Bonner said via telephone from his doublewide mobile home in Combes north of here.
Bonner, a regular contributor to The Paz Files, went on to say he is still "sorta loyal" to his longtime squeeze, Cylantra De La Torre, but noted that his affair is one he has never brought home to Combes. "I took my todger to Harlingen," he said of his sex organ. "And Cylantra will never see that other woman in our town. Ain't gonna happen, son, no."
When asked if the Harlingen woman was the first - or only - woman he'd had an affair with, Bonner said, "Boy, I'm 67 years old. What the Hell kinda question is that to ask of a roustabout like me. Course I've had many weemin! Ah ain't Gay, ya know. I work it when I'm able."
He declined to say much about the Harlingen woman, other than that she was "a firecracker in the sack," which he said is something rare in the Rio Grande Valley.
"Most of he time, local women just flop on the bed and let you go to town, if you get muh drift," he explained in between coughings. "I like them to move with me, to ride me like a wild cayuse, to throw themsleves whole-hog into the act, to bite me and to allow for all that a man can come up with in the way of pleasuring. Plus, I like to fall off the bed during sex. Just a little something I happen to enjoy."
Bonner added he has cut off the affair, but may still chat with the woman online, his daily flirtation ever since Cylantra gave him a home computer with online access last Christmas.
"Ah go with the day's flow," he threw out near the end of the telephone interview. "And, well, some days the flow just carries me along. Can't say that I fight it. Not in my nature to say no to a woman. Never has been and never will be. You know what it feels like to take a woman, son? Well, if you don't, then this damned interview is pretty much useless. Gotta run. You spell my name right, awright? And don't choke the chile, fer chrissakes!!!"
And then, with an explosion of laughter, he was gone...
- 30 -
[EDITOR'S NOTE:...We are aware of several comments calling for Junior Bonner's immediate dismissal from our writing staff because of his insatiable sex drive. Frankly, we believe Bonner to be one of the most creative writers ever to reside in the Rio Grande Valley. But, aside from that, we do not wish to fire anyone ahead of the Holiday Season. We trust you will not be offended by our decision...]
21 comments:
Well Junior, I think you may have fallen out of bed too many times. Landings can get rough sometimes and you may have even damaged the old bean. If you've noticed your hat fitting differently, you might see your proctologist and maybe he can help you out there.
I knew a woman once and anytime she got really upset at her old man, she would take a really hot chile and rub it on the inside of his underwear. The next day he would get up, get dressed and dash out the door to work. About 5 miles down the road, he would suddenly feel the need to find a mud puddle to sit in. I'll bet Cylantra knows that trick. Maybe you'd better waddle off to the kitchen and count the chiles.
Junior, we're with you. Good to see a man admit his failings. We don't get much of that in this town.
So the geezer is having kids in his late 60's. Just how is he going to support those kids?? Pinche Junior.
LOL on Blogger M's comments, Mr. Editor, the Child must be around 6 months old.
Junior was been affectionate with the child. He was standing about 4 feet from the main entrance.
Falling of the bed, Junior, you are not riding horses.
So Mr. Bonner admits to having flings behind Cylantra, I hate to think how she is going to react, when she finds out.
If they didn't kill you in England, it might just happen in Combes. A scorn woman can be dangerous, you old fool.
I have a funny feeling Jr. Bonner is here to stay, maybe a date with the disgraced Korry Marrana would up grade his status.
If you were to see the women he takes to las Casuelas, you would be surprise. They are unattractive, for lack of better words, estan bien feas, hijole.
Junior Bonner is a liar, he was to mushy with the woman wearing the red blouse, at las Casuelas. He was holding a small child in his arms, while the short woman was paying and openning the door for Bonner.
Bonner, you wait until you squeeze sees the kid and the harlingen woman, you are going to be sleeping in the floor, with one eye open. Silantra might take a knife to your scrawny looking body.
Anon, admit failings: you are encouraging Bonner to be unfaithful, wait until la mojada finds out, Junior might be sleeping outside the mobile home. On the floor and with no clothing.
Herman Cain is a coward, now he is sending his wife to do his dirty work, another Bonner, or Boner, or whatever, andan de viejeros until they get caught. (side bar)
Bonner is a stud! No question about it and that Ruby in the sidebar on left is a hot one. Watch out, Junior!
Well how many women, does the pencil neck Bonner messes around with, that is not the woman he was sharing breakfast and baby sitting at las Casuelitas.
The woman on the picture look's like a bar maid alright, but that is only one of many he is known to take and eat breakfast with, what a scoundrel.
Mr. Mongo, let me tell you something about hispanic women, Jr, might be a studd in your book. But Sylantra, might cut his little yo yo, if he isn't careful. Bonner deserves it.
Ruby, why are you wasting your time with a pencil neck geek, like Bonner, you need a real men, like me.
You are in Cylantra's radar girl, yes you are.
I saw Korry shopping with out a worry, the word at the coffee table, someone will help her out. Poor woman, she is branded.
Junior is no different than any other Valley playboy. But you know they play with women because there are women players too!
It would be something if Kori Marra ended up with Junior Bonner as her man. Wow! I can see it, tho.
Korry Marra is to young for the hunch back of Junior, besides Korry is short, about 5'ft 5 inches. Junior is around 6ft 3in. He is forever eating breakfast at a local eatery, wears a gray or black hat, and blue jeans.
Wait Cylantra is about 5 ft. She looks like Bonner's daughter.
I can't wait until Cylantra finds out the weasel has family with a younger woman and a little prettier than her.
I bet hell is going to break loose.
Mr. Editor, although people are howling to fire Junior Bonner, you won't have to, when Cylantra finds out about his womanizing. He will the Valley like a thief in the night.
Junior Bonner is a "Fink", and tomorrow when I see him at Las Casuelas, I will exposing to Cylantra.
Fink, lets see how you weasel yourself out of this one.
With a Z. They spell it Las Cazuelas, with a z not an s. I had breakfast there this morning.
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