"It's a five o'clock worldwhen the whistle blows.
No one owns a piece of my time..."
- The Vogues, Five O'Clock World
By JUNIOR BONNER
The Paz Files
HARLINGEN, Texas - So, this here LeeeeeeOhpardo ElizOnnnnnnndoh be lookin' for muh hide, huh? Is dat rat? Why, that Mexikan varmint an't got a chance agin' Ol' Junior. He'll see the moon ovuh his head by time ahm done with his arse. Ain't Junior's fault his dear sweetheart Ruby looked at muh one time and deeeeeeeecided to dance with the devil himself. Ha ha ha. LeeeeeeeeeOhpardo, stop whinin' and bring me a beer, ya sodbuster.
Ah got somethin' to say about Ruby Archuleta, his wife. Dat's her in the peeecture above this here story. Lovely, huh? Lak a soft blanket onna cold night, yesireeee.
Ruby is one helluva 'ward-winning waitress at that bar where she works. She works damned hard, e'rday, unlike that lazy-ass LeeeeeeeeeeeOhpardo. He ain't worked in - what? - 10 years! Lives offa Ruby's tips and income anna his mama's tacos. Dude oughta get a job. 'nything, man!
So, ah moseyed into the cheap bar one day and thar was Ruby by the jukebox, bent over lookin' for a song. Ah kootn't take muh eyes offa her, well offa her big ass. It danged near blinded me, but ah stayed with it as I ambled ovuh to'ard the bar. She plunked her coins into the damned thing and out exploded a tune by Los Teeeeegres Del Norte. Ah saw her swivel on her high heel shoes and then ah saw her look rat at Junior. Ah froze for a split second, but reeeeekovered quickly, lak a soldier in combat, or lak a shrimper at a bordello.
Well, sonny, ah bought Ruby a Marg'rita and the rest is erotic lit'rture. Best one ah've had, son. Damned straight. Ah-ha-ha-ha. Ooooooomph. Big legged woman lak that, well, kain't do much other than go fer it, you know what ahm sayin' at you?
LeeeeeeeOhpardo can kiss my arse.
Ah suspekt he'd kweeekly skeeeedaddle soon's he saw me pissed. Mexikan guys in straw hats are all show and they'll scoot on ya 'fore the punches get goin'. Tanned Wussies talkin' bad Eeeeeenglish, yeah. Only place they look halfway cool is at Walmart.
Think ah'll look up Ruby later t'day. She's a 37-year old filly who shouldn't haveta scrounge fer love. Junior Bonner's back in town, baby...
- 30 -
14 comments:
That Junior. he gets all the weemin. most of them are marrried but what the Hell.
Alcatraz, I am no pro-writer, but than Junior Bonner, moved me aside. Junior writes horrible, does he chew tabacco, he sounds like it.
Anon was right, he can't hide in that ugly cadillac.
ANON:...We recognize that Junior Bonner's writing is way below our usual grammar standard, but we also see that his is a style and not just some chicken-scratchings. Writing is about using vocabulary, as well as about using vocabulary creatively. Bear with him... - Editor
Ruby Archuleta looks like a woman I had an affair once in Honduras. She was hot to trot, left me out of strength. I can see why Junior looks for these type of females.
I knew that, Mr. Editor. But we still like Junior. He is such a clown. Every town has one of these gus, I mean like Junior. No offense, Junior.
Over at Las Palmas subdivision in Harligen, there was a guy like bonner who hunts married women. Untill he felt sleep after spending one afternoon with a married lady, and the husband found him sleeping in his bed. Junior the Machete cut part of his foot and toes.
Can you believe, that the adulter called the police. Para aya vas Bonner, para aya vas.
Bonner is a smooth cat. he always gets out of these messes with his life. A machete won;t scare him. maybe a gun.
I give Bonner two months then he'll be killed off as writer here. Happens to all these guys. probably a heart atack for junior.
Junior will be caught by Leeeooopardo and the fist will fly, and Junior will feel the rath of a jeolous live in. Thinking about Archuleta's big ass won't help.
Junior knows, Jimmy B. in Browntown, he is probably living there. Cobarde
I hear Chapa does not go out to eat anymore, he is afraid someone will kick his funky ass, all the way to Matamoros, Miedoso cobarde.
That 37 year old Archuleta looks hottter, than the burning of Atlanta. I want, and will take Leopardo on a fight. I am not Bonner, Bonner is a chicken.
I hear Ruby Archuleta goes both ways. that true? and what does Jr think about that? Would he do a threesome?
If I get a hold of Archuleta, I will kick Junior's rear end all the way to Ohio. And I will find Leopardo and beat him up to, for ignoring that squeeze.
Post a Comment